Matthew Harding
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Note to self part 1

11/27/2019

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Forgive me. I could not gather the strength, To wear that smiling mask. You know the one that fits so well. No one notices the tears welling in my eyes. They don’t look into my pupils and see my pain. Everyone calls me pleasant and cheerful. I could not bring my emotional body builder. To carry the weight of everyone else’s issues. The anchor of sadness dragged me deep into the marshes made of melancholy and i did not even fight the drowning. I searched under my bed for hope like it was a missing shoe. I went to wash my face in faith but despair clogged the faucet of love. I could not muster the strength of any kind. For that I’m sorry.


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November 27th, 2019

11/27/2019

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Nothing has given me worse ptsd than love.
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November 27th, 2019

11/27/2019

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There’s a girl out there,
That doesn’t even know it rains,
Because the oceans hear rumors of her from the winds
So they beg the clouds for the favor of carrying them to where she may be.
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November 27th, 2019

11/27/2019

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I see her and think to myself
Stars fall from the sky,
To get a closer look at her smile
Because they thought there was nothing brighter than themselves in all the cosmos.
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November 27th, 2019

11/27/2019

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I took you to all my favorite places,
Now i can’t go to any of them.
All i see is visions of you,
swimming in my mind.
Running through book store aisles,
I’d try to snap a picture,
You’d refuse to stop moving.
I thought it was because
You were caught in the moment.
I should’ve taken it as a sign.
I was always trying to catch you,
And you always on the go.
So where do i go now?
When every place i knew,
Brings me thoughts of you.
I showed you my world,
You took it in your hand
Balled up your fist
Til everything turned to sand.
Now I’m here
Stuck with the debris.
Out of everything,
There’s just a piece of me.
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November 27th, 2019

11/27/2019

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I just need a woman in my life that’ll ask me
“i play with you?”
Say things like
“ahkekeke everything a joke to you”,
she start conversations with
“i just find it funny how...”
,and whispers in my ear at family functions “DO NOT f**kin embarrass me.”
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    Matthew Harding

    Im a 30 something year old that would be inclined to share some of my observations about life about love about everything really. disclaimer I do not have it all figured out so please don't take my observations as concrete. this is a place to open dialogue and have conversations so please respect me as a human.

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